Friday, 19 August 2016

I don't get it

I've never been like everyone else. I don't mean that in a "I'm soo special, I shit rainbows and have magical powers and one day I'll definitely get my Hogwarts letter" sort of way. I mean it in a I'm weird, and not in a fun helpful way sort of way.

At school I found making friends super hard. Not because I was mean or unkind. I just...don't get it. I don't get facial expressions very easily, I find nuance and undercurrents in conversation hard to follow. If you tell me something that seems outrageous and untrue to you, I'll probably believe you. If you say that horses can jump over electricity pylons if only they take a long run up, I'll believe you (yeah, thanks sis).

At primary school, I wandered round the edge of the playground, walking my imaginary dog (really), playing in my imaginary world. People looked at me weird, told me I was weird. In lessons, I hid books on my lap to read, because I really couldn't care less about algebra. I wanted to read and live in the imaginary lands between the pages. I would laugh at random- I just thought of a hilarious joke in my head, and I forgot to laugh inside.

I had a select group of 'weird' friends. I wasn't popular in the slightest. I was sometimes bullied. But not majorly- I guess my weirdness was so off putting to the bullies that they just let me be. But I felt the absence of people. I liked being alone, but I also wished I was like everyone else. I wanted to want to talk about pop stars and tv shows and boys. I wanted to find conversation easy, I wanted to be good at eye contact and netball and sleepovers. Actually, I hated sleepovers. I wanted my own bed, near my mum, with my bear and my books and my safe place.

At high school, everything went a bit wrong. I got anorexia, and I became so ill I had to go to hospital during Year 8. I ended up staying in hospital for two years. When I came out I was an upset, mixed up fireball. A hormone ridden, confused, lonely girl. I refused to go back to school. Now I truly was alone. I had no friends. I didn't know how to talk to anyone.

Fast forward to now. I'm nearly 27. I still don't know how to talk to people. The few friends I do have, have stuck around because they're the sort of folk who just don't care about my idiosyncracies. They're fine with Friends being on in the background all.the.time because it makes me feel calm, they don't mind that busy places and loud noises make me want to tear my hair out and claw my skin off. They don't bat an eyelid when I start crying at something that doesn't really merit tears, or when I believe any old lie someone tells me. They love me for me.

I came to blogging because I wanted to have an outlet for my interests, my hobbies, my writing. I wanted, yes, to try and make friends. I wanted to see if I could make friends easier over the internet. If the things I struggle so hard with still trouble me when I am on the internet. I certainly am more articulate. I love words- I have an entire universe of words swimming around in my head, ready to use, but when I'm around most people except a select few of my chosen friends and family, I don't get to use them. All of this I've just written, I couldn't say to a casual friend in the street. So that was one thing I found I got. But friends... no, I don't think the internet has solved that for me.

Because I just...don't get it. I don't get what words I should use, what endearments or phrases are best, how to approach people to make friends. That weird fuzzy block that covers my brain when I try and figure this stuff out- it's still there.

So if I approach you on Twitter, or your blog, and it seems like I'm trying to be friends. Please be patient with me. I don't get it. And I'm trying my best.


Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Sunday, 7 August 2016

What She Did- August Week #1




DIY Fun

This week I decided to brighten up a bare space of wall in my living room, which is fast become my favourite room in the flat. I got a fairly cheap picture hanging kit from Wilko, I think it was in the stationery department, and adapted it to my own needs. It contained pretty twine, tiny pink pegs, and some heart and octagon shaped cards with peppy quotes on.
I didn't really like the peppy quotes, they were kind of saccharine, so I used them as stencils on cute paper and card I already had and cut them out. I had to hang the twine at three points with picture hooks- I tried those sticky command strip type things but that quickly ended in collapse! Then I just picked out my favourites from my massive stash of Instagram prints, scrap booking cards (for example, Project Life cards), and regular greeting cards.
This is a photo of my favourite section. I would have posted a photo of the whole thing but it has photos of family and they might not want their faces on my blog so I opted just to show this lovely snapshot instead! 
I actually found doing this really therapeutic. I was dealing with some major free floating anxiety just before so I thought I'd try and take my mind off it and it was so involving it really helped.

Do you think you'd like a How to post? I would love to do one if it's something people would like to see! :)


Bargains Bargains Bargains!

I had a trip into Boots and I spied their regular reductions shelf was full to bursting with stuff. Since I had a Love To Shop voucher to spend, I thought I'd pick some random things to try. I do have a weird idea of fun don't I?
Firstly I picked up this Original Source All In One Moisturising Shower Gel (gel? oil? it doesn't actually specify!) for 88p! It contains blackcurrant and moringa oil and smells just like old fashioned blackcurrant squash.
I also picked up some Radox Lavender & Waterlilly shower gel for 60p. I thought it might be a good shower product for particularly anxious days. I find lavender really soothing, and it smells delightful. 
Finally I chose, randomly, these Magensium supplements. They contain added B complex, amongst other assorted vitamins and minerals. I don't really know if they'll actually work but for £1.75 I thought I'd give them a try.


To do:

This week I want to try and use this Grounded Coffee Scrub I've had in my drawer for a bazillion years. It's chocolate orange flavour. Now I'm not entirely sure how I feel about smelling of chocolate orange confectionery, but I'm willing to give it a try, especially on my feet, back and legs. They need a good exfoliate (tmi). So I really want to try and find a day where I'm up to doing something this involved.

How has your week been? Let me know in the comments, and let me know if you would like that how to picture wall post too! :)

Friday, 22 July 2016

Mini Favourites Catch Up

So I've been on a bit of a hiatus. My health and lack of inspiration would explain it I think. Here's a few things that have been floating my boat lately!

Aromatherapy




I have long been fan of aromatherapy. The scent of lavender really calms me in particular, it reminds me of home and safety and hugs. I was lucky enough to win a giveaway run by Georgina at She Might Be Loved recently to win a set of three Tazeka Aromatherapy Essential Oils rollerball vials. I received the Breathe Easy, Wellness In Motion and Liquid Lullaby/Peaceful Slumber versions.
Suffice to say the Liquid Lullaby/Peaceful Slumber is my favourite. It contains lavender (yay!), neroli, cedarwood, sweet marjoram, Hawaiian sandalwood and ylang ylang.

The blends are all around £20-30 each for a full sized vial, or £11.06 for a 2ml trial blend, check out the shop here. I think this is something I will definitely want more of, so I'm going to stick it on my Christmas list! :)

Gilmore Girls

via GIPHY

THANK YOU NETFLIX! :D
I was innocently browsing various on demand TV apps a few days ago, seeing what I could try next, when I realised Netflix had stuck all seven seasons of the original Gilmore Girls on! I am so glad to be rewatching it, I haven't seen it in years and it's just as funny and comforting as it was before. I've watched a whole season in three days. It's definitely good for keeping my mind off other stuff and I'm really looking forward to the new comeback season that will be coming out in the next 6 months or so (hurry please Netflix!)

Thursday, 21 April 2016

Operation Make My Flat Less Depressing: Bargains Alert!

So my mum wanted to get me out the house today, so I had a very short trip out and I chose to go into Home Bargains. You wouldn't think when you first step in, but it actually has some pretty cool home stuff in there, I promise. Push in past the multi packs of Skips and Coke and make a bee line for the homewares aisle and you're golden. The same goes for B&M homestores, if you're looking for thrifty homeware tips actually. If you have either of these shops near you, they're worth a visit about once every few months, as they get random bits of stock in every so often that they don't usually restock. I think it's a case of whatever turns up! Plus, you can't really buy much from them online (B&M I think you actually can't buy anything online from them).

So what did I find this time? I was pretty impressed with myself actually, if I do say so myself. :)






















Photo frames, 99p each (I know right?!)
These make me think of the kind of thing you'll pick up somewhere really expensive and hip like Urban Outfitters, but for like 1/10th of the price. I have some funny/cute cards I bought specifically to be framed so I am hoping they fit okay and look nice in my living room.


Flower fairy lights, £3.99
This is actually kind of expensive for Home Bargains, would you believe it. But they're adorable, and I've wanted some to twine round my daybed frame for ages. I have the whole shabby chic vibe going on in my bedroom so they'll fit I think. They're battery operated so I'll have to remember to switch them off when I'm not using them or I'll be going through millions of batteries.


Flag/flower Wall Stickers, 99p for a pack


Flower/bug Wall Stickers, 49p for a pack

You get more in a pack than you can see here, but I cut them out to stick up and they photographed better like this. The bug ones may be a bit childish but I thought they'd look sweet in my kitchen and I do tend towards the cute and kitsch in my home anyway. :)

So, have you found any good bargains lately? Do you have an operation home overhaul on the go? Let me know below! :)

Monday, 18 April 2016

What's In My Bag: Summer 2016

I thought it had been ages since I did my first 'What's In My Bag Post', and it was kind of fun to write (maybe I'm just weirder than I thought) and people seemed to like it so I thought I'd do an updated edition now I have mostly different stuff! I'm kind of proud of my new bag. ^_^


1// Diary (from personal-planner.com) I love love love the diaries/planners you can order from Personal Planner. I first had one a few years ago when I won one in a competition and I've been a customer since- I've also converted my mum and sister. Pretty much everything is customisable, and you can choose to use your own photo for the front or one of their pretty designs. I chose this cat because he reminds me of my puss cat Percy. :)

2// Purse (from Amazon here) I finally got a new purse and retired my old fox purse after many faithful years of service. It has two sides for cards which is pretty cool and also I like how the bird on the front looks so noble. I reckon he's a sir. Sir Bird.

3// Hand sanitiser I found this strawberry and raspberry flavour one at Superdrug and it makes my hands smell delicious!

4// Migraine medication Yep, still got these. Haven't managed to banish Mr Migraine for good yet.

5// Ear plugs Okay so you may be confused by this one. I have some sensory issues, which include finding noise really overwhelming, especially when I'm out and about. I keep these in my bag for meltdown emergencies. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed the only thing I can do is cut off the sound for a bit, or go home.

6// Tissues Yeah I have allergies and I cry far too much.

7// Benefit Lollibalm and Yohji Yamamoto Eau De Parfum I don't get on well with most lipsticks but I love a tinted lip balm. Plus the packaging is so beautiful. And this perfume is so lovely, I'm always surprised it's not more widely known.

8// Wildflower Floral Handbag (£35, Accessorize) I was really umming and aahing about this, as I don't like spending this much money at once! But I had put some money by and my old bag had really reached it's end for me. I thought it was so bright and summery, and the long strap means I can just wear it on my shoulder. It fits a suprising amount in, has two pockets and is lined in lovely navy fabric, plus it's cruelty free as it isn't leather. I love it.

9// Wireless headphones Normally I only use these at home when I'm gaming with my friends, as they works as a gaming headset. But I've found they block out a lot of noise when I'm out and about and music actually sounds great on them so I decided to stick with them.

Have you changed your bag for the summer? Is there something you just can't do without? Have you done a bag post? I'd love to hear about it below! :)

Friday, 15 April 2016

The Transformer Edit!

We all know the feeling (probably): you find the best piece of holy grail kit, but it doesn't quite have the right finish or shade. What to do? Never fear my friend, there are a whole load of makeup products out there simply for this sort of emergency*. I've collected my favourites for you below!

*Playing fast and loose with the word emergency here, I do apologise.




1// Smashbox Insta-Matte, £18 //Buy @ Boots
This handy little tube of gel will, in one swipe, transform a creme finish lipstick to a matte. So you basically get to double some of your lipstick collection.

2// Shade Adjusting Drops, £10 //Buy @ The Body Shop
This is a problem I have regularly. I have ultra pale skin and many high street foundations may have shades labelled Porcelain but they still come out pretty dark. Also, many people with darker skintones find that there just isn't a huge choice of foundations out there. These Shade Adjusting Drops from The Body Shops seem really promising, giving people normally left out in the cold when it comes to foundation shades the freedom to create a personalised shade just for them. Choose from either 'Lightening Drops' or 'Darkening Drops', 1 drop using the pipette include= 1/2 a shade lighter according to The Body Shop.

3// Gel Effect Top Coat with Kensington Caviar, £15 //Buy @ Nails Inc
Gel nails are great, long lasting and look lovely, but not everyone has the time or money to faff around with the curing process, heat lamps and all the faffing. A gel effect top coat is one way to cheat your way to gel looking nails with the long lasting effect along with it, no UV lamp necessary.




1// Frog Prince by Lipstick Queen, £22 //Buy @ Cult Beauty
Don't worry, I'm not asking you to wear green lipstick, promise! It goes on green, but apparently it reacts to each persons individual pH level differently and changes colour accordingly. Apparently it'll be a 'you but better', flattering shade of sheer pink. It may be a gimmick but it's a pretty cool one.

2// Lip Transformer, £3 //Buy @ Superdrug
Kinda like the lightening/darkening foundation drops (above), this does a similar thing, but for your lips. Pop either the lightening or darkening balm on under your lipstick to affect the shade. I'm not sure how effective it is, but at £3 it's probably worth a go if you like experimenting with your lip colours and don't want to shell out for ten thousand new shades of lipstick.

3// Clarins 'Instant Light' Lip Perfector, £16.20-£18 (some shades on sale at Debenhams) //Buy @ Debenhams
So I may be stretching the brief slightly here with the term transformer, but this is one of my all time favourites. It really does 'perfect' your lips. In texture and application it's closest to a balm/gloss I think, and it has a light touch of colour that doesn't overpower. It does just make your lips look like you but prettier. If you find most lip products overpowering in terms of colour as I do, but still want something more than a colourless balm. this may be one for you to try.

Monday, 4 April 2016

What she did... April #1

Okay so I'm a day late. Yesterday was kind of a hibernation day for me, I felt kind of bleh.

Photo of the week


"Not posing at all no not me" - Percy

Watching...

I've mostly been watching, besides my usual Friends in the background (it relaxes me, I don't know why!), The Walking Dead. It's the last episode of Season 6 tonight and I'm both excited and terrified. Who will die?! I mean, lots of people will die, but most importantly, will my imaginary boyfriend Daryl snuff it is what's important?!? *sobs*

Listening...

I don't  know why, and it's really getting on my nerves, but I woke up with a Thomas and Friends song in my head this morning. Yes, I mean Thomas The Tank Engine. I think it's one of the 'perks' that comes with having a two year old niece. In more sane moments I've been throwing back to the mid noughties and replaying Scissor Sister's self titled debut 2004 album, my favourite track being Mary.

Reading...

I just started reading Red Rising by Pierce Brown. A futuristic, gritty take on a dystopian sci-fi novel, I'm liking it so far, but I have to dip in and out as too much of a somewhat heavy novel can leave me feeling a bit bogged down mentally at the moment.

Beauty Favourite...

It's not always new stuff that gets me all giddy, sometimes I come across something on my dressing table that I haven't used in a while and relive the discovery of how lovely it is all over again. This week I've been wearing my beautiful Yohji Yamamoto Yohji Femme Eau De Parfum (on sale at House of Fraser for £26.13 at the moment!

Gif that best describes my week...